Style Archives • Shannon Valle

Wearing: unlabelled romper, ASOS trainers

Who DO You Think You Are?

When somebody asks who you are, you probably respond with your name. Or if you’re extra sassy, you might answer with something like “super cool” or “president of the awesome club for awesome people only”.

And you’re not wrong. You are most definitely are super awesome. I don’t doubt it in the slightest.

But that’s not really the question we’re asking here.

When I was younger I always used to flick through the pages of Dolly and Girlfriend magazine, wishing I was Britney Spears or Brandy. But then I’d tell myself things. You’re not good enough. You’re too fat. You’re too asian. You’re not pretty enough. No one actually likes you.

And if you tell yourself these things. That’s probably what you are.

If you tell yourself you’re ugly, people will find you ugly. If you tell yourself you’re lonely, that’s what you are. If you tell yourself you’re lazy, you’re probably lazy.

And them I’d ask myself, who do I think I am to achieve such great goals in life?

See what we’re getting at here? The question really should have been; who are you when you’re by yourself?

Speak Yourself Into Existence

Be very aware of the stories you tell yourself.

The mind works in mysterious ways. It’s one of the greatest mysteries of the universe. We all have a mind, but we know almost nothing about it.

One of psychology’s oldest ideas is that we have a subconscious mind which is the real driving force behind how we live our lives.

And while we can’t voluntarily control this part of our own minds (as frustrating as it sounds) you can most definitely “trick” it into believing otherwise.

I saw this video few years about ADHD and I thought to myself, if I have ADHD then that would explain most of my childhood life. It would explain how I passed all of my violin exams with Honors without being able to read music until years later. It would explain why I would find watching the sprinklers through the classroom window so much more interesting than an end of year movie. It would explain why someone could tell me their name 10 time with it still not registering in my brain. So I went to the doctors and it was as if I had manifested myself a mental disorder. I was diagnosed with ADHD. After that, my life became even more chaotic than an episode of Question Time.

I told myself that because this is what I have, this is who I am. I would blame running late on it, forgetting where I was mid sentence, half-asses assignments and the ever growing pile of sticky notes on it because I believed that was who I was.

It didn’t take me long to get tired of feeling bad for making people wait forty minutes for me, or for having a desk that looked like a dumping ground for plague victims. And I was really tired of being embarrassed for asking people to repeat themselves so many time simply because I couldn’t concentrate for a mere five seconds.

I searched the web for ways to manage different symptoms and stumbled across affirmations (I mean, that’s how easily distracted I was). It didn’t seem like anything concrete to me but it was free and seemed easy enough to do so I decided to implement them into my life as often as I could. Instead of telling myself I was inherently late, I would tell myself I am always on time. Even if I didn’t think it was true it, I told myself these sentences so many times that I ended up believing them. All it took was a few simple sentences like “I love studying” and “I am organised” and “I can cook a damn good vegan lasagne” for things to start changing rapidly.

It didn’t happen overnight and it was a slow start (for me to even remember to say affirmations was a struggle) but once I got into the habit of things, it snowballed. My grades shot up (most of them anyway, I mean, no-one really enjoys Trusts), I stopped being so late (still give me a good ten extra minutes) and my friends can confirm that my lasagne is out of this world.

It really made me wonder, how much power do we have over our lives if simple words can transform the way we live out or lives?

You Are Who You Say You Are

I pay very close attention to the stories I tell myself now, I still slip up every now and then. It’s not easy to break out of destructive habits.

But instead of telling myself I’m too ugly to be Stevie Nicks, I just clip in some faux bangs (these ones are from Rubin Extensions and are super easy to cut and put in), blast Dreams in the car while my partner is driving, tell myself I could totally be the lead signer of Fleetwood Mac and call it a day. I think my ten year old self would be pretty happy with that.

Let me know below, are you guilty of telling yourself things that don’t help you reach your goals?